It’s 2018. A new year. May it bring you health, abundance, love, peace, fun, joy and success. And all that you wish for yourself. Including balanced hormones. But I would say that!.
I’ve been reflecting …everyone seems to think I ought to be a “New Me” because it’s a New Year! It’s assumed we’re all trying to change our lives in sync with the calendar flipping over the page to 2018. But I’m not getting sucked into that mallarkey.
Being a new you isn’t compulsory.
So no “New Year New Me” here. No New Year’s Resolutions.
In my work, I’m not bombarding women with “a lose-a-stone-in-a-day” rubbish. Or “detox the living daylights out of yourself by drinking green sludge and popping pills”.
You don’t have to change ONE thing.
If people really want to improve themselves, I say go for it. Hell yeah. I am your biggest cheerleader. I have heaps of valuable tools in my kit to help women change their health, weight, balance hormones and boost fertility.
I just get a little perplexed about WHY people want to change.
The January Thing
Ok, but Why change in January?
There’s no universal best day to start navel gazing and make life changes. To me, the best day is when we’re totally ready. Or when something forces a change upon us – then we have limited choice. But hey, that can also be a blessing in disguise.
Being ready depends on WHY we want to change.
Sometimes something forces a change – then we have little choice. It gives us our why.
Sometimes we reach a point where we have or recognise our big old, hairy why and snap into the right headspace – for health, for longevity, for a better life, to reach a certain goal. A lightbulb moment. An epiphany.
As an example, to lose weight is never the why. It’s the what. If you think you want to shed some pounds, ask why. Keep asking why until you’re all why-ed out. You’ll get to the real mission, the clear goal, the big motivator. Try it. You sometimes get surprising insights!
When we have a why that drives us, it stirs up excitement, joy, determination and motivation towards it. You have to feel it first. To really, really want it (to quote The Spice Girls). When you really, really want it, your whole attitude changes. It’s a change in mind that leads to real changes in behaviour. Not willpower. Or a date on the calendar.
If you were ready and steady to go in January, go go go!
But if it was a half-assed News Year’s Resolution, you may not have set yourself up for sure success. Most people break their resolutions by 5th January anyway. Whoops. Which means by now most resolutions are a fuzzy, well-intended memory
The Should Thing
Sometimes we feel we should do something. I recognise that in myself.
When I weighed much more than I do now, I should have lost weight. I was overweight, unfit and unhappy that I was busting out of my clothes. I wasn’t obese. If I had been, I may have found my why.
But I did change. In my own time., In my own way. When something switched in my noggin and I was motivated towards better health, better fitness, reaching more life balance and feeling younger for longer. Motivating yourself away from chocolate and crisps doesn’t work either. I KNOW. From bitter experience.
You have to want to change more than you want to stay stuck.
And it was July, not January when I decided to change. Salads rather than soup.
At least no-one was telling me I ought to lose some weight. That doesn’t work. We’ll never be motivated towards someone else’s why. Unless it’s truly shared. Like planning a baby.
In my Women’s Health Practice sometimes women have come along “Because Mum made me” or “My partner said it might help”. They are never my biggest success stories. Because their hearts (and minds) were never in it from the start. They had no why.
The Pressure or Conformity Thing
Why do people want to change just to fit into some unrealistic stereotype of what society/the media/whoever thinks we should be. To fit in. To conform.
We are bombarded by images and messages of what is supposedly attractive, with the inference that those things are worthy. And we should all pursue them.
The thigh gap. A perfectly arched eyebrow. Size Zero. It’s photo-shopped, insta-perfect BS!
I really hope you don’t get sucked into that nonsense. Let’s help protect vulnerable young women from that damaging rubbish too. No-one looks like the pictures in magazines. We know that they are all heavily made-up, cleverly lit and photo-shopped until they bear little resemblance to the original image.
And no-one’s life is as “perfect” as it looks on social media. Fact. Let’s not compare our lives to others that we see there – it’s smoke and mirrors and insta filters, baby.
Beauty really IS on the inside. We are all beautiful and perfect in our imperfection. And differences are to be celebrated.
Facebook should be renamed Fakebook. Instagram as Instascam. Snapchat as Snapcrap.
The Pursuit of Happiness
When I was younger I thought I’d be happier when I was thinner/earned more money/changed my boyfriend/went on holiday/passed my exams/blah blah blah. Now that I’m wiser (and much older) I know that’s claptrap. Happiness comes from within.
No-one else can make us happy. Nothing else can make us happy. It’s an inside job.
At the risk of going deep, man … the pursuit of happiness is really the pursuit of ourselves. Being happy in our skin. Forgiving ourselves. Accepting ourselves. Loving ourselves. Not from ego or arrogance, but just from being plain kind to yourself. When we treat ourselves kindly, often others do too. We are worthy – right now -of all good things. Self care is Queen.
You are Enough
You are enough right now. I am enough. Always.
I’m 50 loud and proud. Laughter lines, tummy bulge, cellulite and a few stray greys. No poster girl for women’s mags, true.
There is no need to change because it’s January or because BodyShame Weekly says we need a “bikini body” in a few months. Or because your partner noticed your new greys.
Change because you really want to. Change because you want to grow as a person. Change when you have that motivating WHY in your life. Change when you’re ready.
Set yourself up for super success.
But know that we are all already enough, just as we are. We ARE worthy.
And when you’re ready, let me know if and how I can help. I’ll be your biggest cheerleader. And supporter. Pinky promise. I have lots of great tools in my kit bag for a healthier, happier, more hormonally balanced you.
Kathy Payne is a Booster of Fertility. Calmer of Hormones. Soother of Modern Life Madness. A Women’s Health Coach with special interests in women’s cycles, fertility, hormonal health, pre/menopause, stress and energy. She’s a reformed former overweight, unfit, exhausted, sick and cranky corporate stress-bunny.
Kathy works face-to-face in Norwich, UK or worldwide via Skype and also offers a range of online classes and courses to take you from hormone-y to harmony. Download her free guide “10 Surprising Signs of Haywire Hormones and Hacks to Help” here: http://bit.ly/10surprisingsigns